I went out with Storm and Cristina on a Friday night and it was the best night out I have ever had. I told them all my deep dark secrets and they told me theirs. Storm bought us all these bracelets, including herself…friendship bracelets. She also gave me a card that was so beautiful and it told me I was beautiful. No one has ever told me I was beautiful before…not even Moor. We had such a wonderful night and I know now that I am not alone in this journey and that I will never attempt to take my life again…it would be absurd to me now. I love those chicks…and 8/4/06 will remain my death and real birthday

Assignment #3

List 3 neuro-associative conditions I have made in the past that shape my life for positive and 3 that shaped my life for the negative.

Positive
1. Drinking beer: my cousin Earnest had me drink his and it was nasty…I thought it was OJ…never wanted it again
2. Smoking: my mom smoked and I hated it…never smoked
3. Don’t depend on anyone for anything: taught me to be independent

Negative
1. Hearing Monica’s “Kicking It with You” reminds me of that night.
2. Don’t depend on anyone: doesn’t allow people to receive joy of helping me.
3. Speaking to elders sometimes cause me to stutter because when I was younger I couldn’t speak freely and I was a recluse

Assignment #4
Using the 4 things I want to change in my life, for each, list 10 reasons why I need to change and the cost if I don’t and the great things that will happen if I do. Also list why I know I can change.

A. Losing weight
1. health
2. intimacy
3. children
4. confidence
5. family
6. cute clothes
7. my neck back
8. beautiful skin
9. no more back pain

Cost: I will never know these things and I will regret it all my life.
Great things: Being just me and being happy, more confident and ambitious
I know I can change because its actually quite easy all I have to do is make the first step.

B. Starting my business
1. money
2. freedom
3. helping family
4. education for nephew
5. travel
6. vacationing
7. property
8. no more 9-5
9. passing on wealth
10. excitement

Cost: A job, being poor, not being able to afford kids, mediocre life, not helping Jay. Mental hell
Great things: Well have a new life and experiences…not have a want for anything.
I know I can do this because I have all the tools I need. I just have to release the fear.

C. Standing up for myself
1. tools for business
2. confidence
3. no regrets
4. end of cycle
5. teaching kids
6. confidence
7. sending a message
8. blood pressure decrease
9. no anxiety
10. respect

Cost: continue being a doormat
Great things: respect
I know that I can do this because I am strong than I think

D. Letting my pass go
1. no fear
2. no pain
3. a new life
4. no food for comfort
5. learning the lessons
6. losing weight
7. starting business
8. standing up for myself
9. self love
10. moving on

Cost: Letting my past eat me alive and stifle my growth.
Great things: Putting my sword and shield down to study war no more.
I know I can do this because I have to. If I don’t I die and all that will be will die.

Assignment #4B
Write down 4 or 5 ways I can interrupt my patterns

A. Losing Weight -> instead go for a walk, draw, leave house, work on business, call a friend
B. Starting Business -> instead look at Oprah, read success stories, calculate my debt, think about receiving a 15yr pin
C. Standing up for self -> Know that I have to let it go…simple as that
D. Letting the past go -> Say “let it go”, look in the mirror to see what it created, go walking, draw

Assignment #4C

Create a new association to the 4 actions I want

A. Losing Weight -> associate being fat to not letting my past go and allowing it to rule
B. Starting Business -> associate feeling of success and beating my past
C. Standing up for self -> Associate it to letting people know who I am
D. Letting the past go -> Associate it with being reborn