Aaron, each time I talk to you now I am left with some baggage on my heart. Today? I’m just putting it down. After this email, If you choose to move forward, Im not going to discuss anything but the now and the future with you. I see what’s happening with us so clearly but for whatever reason I’m not making myself clear to you. I’ll reiterate one last time. Regardless of your opinions of me, I get oneness. I get Love. I get it. If I can write about it, I can speak about it. And I think the problem is that when we talk, I don’t address what you are speaking about because its irrelevant to the ISSUE at hand. What I do attempt to address is the misunderstandings between us, which should take seconds to resolve but for whatever reason “teachings” are being given to me. Its really not that deep. No one changed me. I changed myself. And I know you’re use to most people just leaving your life not having learned the lessons but if you truly believe that about me I do feel sorry for you because I fear you will miss all that is coming next in my life. Either I graduated or I didn’t?

Ya’ll
I didn’t use ya’ll to separate myself from love. I used ya’ll to basically say, I do not need you like that anymore. I can’t separate myself from Love if I tried. Everything that I need in life enters my life as a lesson. Its a constant. There is no separation. I don’t want drama I want peace. I wrote a manual of self that you’ve never read when I got divorced and its funny that everything I wrote in there is what I had to re-learn again because I strayed the path.

The Change
Aaron you came into my life because I had questions that others just couldn’t answer. Before I met you I would talk to my friends about having a relationship with a person but not being the typical husband and wife. They laughed at me. I had theories on what Love should be but no one paid attention. Then I met you and all of the things I spoke about got put to the test. I had started writing my book but didn’t realize how important its completion was until you told me about your sister. And I hope she’ll use me as a vessel to continue it, to say the things she wanted to say through me. The girls need this book, it calls to me and I just don’t have the energy to get caught up in things that are of absolutely no consequence.

Rob did not make me defensive. Thats something that has always been there but for whatever reason now its just receiving focus. If it relates to me I like it cleared up, that’s just one of my flaws. Just like patience is. Rob taught me a valuable lesson, don’t lust blindly. I can’t even put Love in that. It had to deal with my desire to feel needed Aaron. I keep trying to get you to see that. Even with you, most the things you told me I already knew, you should read my life manual, but I wanted to be helped, I wanted to see the light. I wanted someone to save me for a change. I’m embarrassed that I did that but now I realize truly that everything I need I have in me. I don’t pray because I recognize that I am but a vessel of “God”, a vessel of Love. Thy will will be done. There is nothing to do but enjoy the rides and be completely active in all the “stops” along the way.

No Progress
Aaron we have known each other for more than a year now and there has been no progress in building. We both still stand on a foundation with lumber and cement surrounding us. What calls to me? You don’t even know about. I think that’s crazy. I have been caught up in things that don’t even matter when my journey is all about spirituality and the people, so I’ve been reading books on life and our connection with the source, merkabas, sacred geometry, etc. Its all very fascinating. Most of my planets are in my ninth house, the house of spirituality, higher learning and travel. Websites are nice but I just can’t give those tedious task energy any more. You have your path and I have mines and my path does not involve making all these websites. And its so funny that someone, actually several people have come into my life after you that can help me on this journey. So I agree with you, if one door closes the other opens. Thy will will be done.

Me
I realize now that I am very sensitive to change. Oh my goodness, all I need to do is have one negative thought enter into my head and it has the power to spiral out of control. I reread the previous email to you and boy was I reaching trying to figure out why we weren’t working anymore its quite funny. Now I realize it doesn’t even matter, its of absolutely no consequence. If we don’t work, we don’t work. It is what it is. Either we can come to some agreement or we can’t. I don’t need to dig deep or investigate or try to fix things or any of that. I need to just let things go. I need to let this desire to please people go. I am good as I am.

Us
Aaron I would love for us to look past all of the BS and just move forward but the way things are going I don’t know if that can happen. What we are debating over is just plain out stupid. It has NOTHING to do with me separating from love because I’m not. That would be a cause for debate. What I have been doing is reaching trying to figure out why this is happening between us. And as I’m reaching I’m just digging deeper and deeper into crap and more misunderstanding when all I need to do is let it go. I realized that when I got home. I’m trying to understand something that really is of no consequence. I really just need to let things go and stop reaching and stop searching.

I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I just have to let this go and if you can good we can move on.