Collectively I have so much Love in my heart for our men. They struggle daily with societies expectations of them that most of them have forgotten they only have to answer to themselves. At the end of the day, have you done the best you can? No need to suffer trying to meet expectations. Lay your burdens down, study war no more. The most powerful peace in a man’s life is his woman and most do not fully realize the purpose of the women in their lives. We are as a lock to a key. We are their counterparts and the real magic doesn’t happen until their is a union. A spiritual union, two bodies, one heart, one Love.

As I am now, I’m trying so hard to be “right”. I am trying so hard to heal myself from what’s happened in my past but for whatever reason its just not working the way I need it to. I know I need someone in my life who is willing to help me Love this hurt away. Right now, every single man in my life wants something from me and right now I have nothing to give them. Nothing. I am all but terrified to go out on a limb with my heart again. I’m a good woman, they all know it, but none of them seem to want to allow me to open to them in my own time. Almost immediately there is an abandonment, and I’m left feeling like a little girl. I want you to Love me but I don’t know how to. I’ve been through so much I don’t know how to try anymore because nothing I’ve done in the past has worked. So I’m at a stand still. I honestly do not know what to do anymore.

One of my exes came back into my life, after I tried so hard to delete him but I feel the Love I have for him brought him back. Perhaps it even summoned him. I wish it was a conscious decision he made to want me in his life, as his QUEEN, as his wife but perhaps the only reason he came back is because of my “soul calls” to him? Yes a woman’s power is that strong and potent. He told me all the things I wanted to hear for years and after I told him I wasn’t ready to send him a “pussy pic” he all but disappeared. He had started calling and stopped. He had starting texting me “Hellos” and stopped. As much as I’ve been through with him, who wants to gap up for a picture of my pussy? I want to just yell at him “Love me!”, “Hold me!”, “Tell me I’m safe with you!” “Take my hand!” “Be my man!” “Be my KING!”. But of course I won’t, that little girl inside of me doesn’t want to scare him away.  But what difference does it make, he’s already half way if not all the way out of the door? The old part of me wants to buckle in and give in to him just for some ounce of affection but I know that there is something greater out there for me. Perhaps he’d of been through a long and rugged road too and healed from it and is open to showing the way home. I need that man in my life. I summon him. Where ever he is, come to me. At night, speak to my soul and let me know what you need from me and I’ll be ready for you. Listen with your soul as I let you know what my heart desires, be ready for me…please…I need you, I Love you.

[tsp-authors-note title=”Straight Mammie Dialog” note=”No one can be your peace, either you have peace on your own or you’ll never have it. Once again, I was so naive but I promise you this is not my future. Opening this blog up and seeing what I went through was a blessing, never again.”