After this last valley, I was fed up. I decided the best thing to do would be to keep myself, to myself. All the Love I permeate to others? I would bottle it up inside because there was no way I would ever be able to identify these people who Loved me. Hmmmm, hadn’t I come to this conclusion before? I forget. How did that work out for me then? No matter, I determined it was my final solution and this time I would stick to my guns.

At the same time I was entering solitary confinement, somewhere seemingly miles a way, my sister felt my pain. Love came to me and she was a reminder to who I was and encouraged unconditional Love and freedom of mind. She said “no regrets”, “place your past behind and watch the blessings rain from the sky”. Great advice Love, but I ask her to not waste her energy on me, it is I who had gotten myself foolishly in such a predicament and it was only I who would be able to get myself out. She shunned my words and told me there is no such thing as wasted energy. I opened to her and the battle between heart and mind began.

I fought with myself. I struggled for beauty to radiate, I would not let this pain win. I couldn’t let this setback get me down. It is hard to let Love shine through when we keep our hearts and minds covered in frosted glass. I was determined, I would destroy these walls if I had to. I acknowledged that I had made mistakes but it was time to begin again.

My guardian angel hears me and he simply whispers, “What mistakes are these Asherah Amyas?”
Immediately I know better. Right Love! There are no mistakes. It is amazing how his words always seem to come right on time and exactly when I need them. He’s right. All is towards the greater good, all is towards growth, all is towards Love. I let my brother and sister know how thankful I was for them in my life and the tears began to stream down my face. I didn’t care if my pain was noticed, these tears were healing to my soul…and suddenly, like a sledge hammer, Love hit me in the face.

My sister had received my response of Love and then she says to me…

A loving spirit shared this with me this morning….my heart has been heavy and bucket empty all weekend, but thanks to her, I feel my heart lightening and bucket slowly filling. Thank you Asherah Amyas for sharing your beautiful spirit! I’m going to pay it forward…

I was in hysterics. I realize everything that I had forgotten. I know that She is I, I am She and Love is We. The part of myself that I was attempting to stifle she radiated beautifully. She reminded me that being who I am is never a curse. I am and always have been Love’s intention. I saw the beauty of myself in her and I could not help but to see the Love in what she had done. She had given to me when she herself was empty. She had shared of herself when others might have encouraged her to direct that energy on herself or loved ones. But everyone and everything is Love, there is no right or wrong direction. There is only The Flow. Love travels and flows as it must, it can’t be controlled and this dear heart let Love flow. And you know what happened? Not only had she receive my Love in turn, but others, as she slept, had given Love to her as well. She unwrapped each gift, each gesture of kindness, and she was filled. Her cup runneth over in Love, as did mines. The Love she had given was returned to her multiplied. The Love she had given to my pain was transformed as the phoenix, it reflected and danced within both our hearts and it was enough to bring tears to both our eyes.

Then, the source of my pain was healed, the battle was over. I was at peace. I see Love in what I felt I had lost, He is I, I am He and Love is We. He also is beauty and he represents the part of me that did not allow Love to flow freely in. The part of me, I willed to change. It had served its purpose and I had slowly began to eradicate the part of myself that felt unworthy of Love. Now I know it is the part of him that he still embraces. I let go this part of myself in growth and I lost a major part of him. I so wish that he could see the beauty of himself that I see and allow Love in. But as with a flower, we can never rush its growth. We must allow it to grow in its own time. There is nothing to be hurt by. It is all Love. It is all growth.

In replace of the pain, I am gently filled with a light that soothes my soul. And once again tears fill my eyes. I realize how blessed in Love I am. I am eternally grateful for everything, “good” and “bad”. I am thankful for the beauty that radiates within me and is so brilliantly reflected in those who are Love and in turn those who Love me. Today I allowed myself to receive the greatest gift a person will ever receive…pure Love. I pray to the Creator that all my brothers and sisters recognize that Love is not in material things. The gifts I received this morning were great and will be forever unmatched. Not a dime was spent and these expressions were more valuable than all the diamonds in the world. I am wealthy in Love. I am blessed in Love.

Brothers Timothy Glenn and my beautiful Sister Tra Mickell, I thank you for all you are in my life. I recognize Love in you, I recognize God in you and I am grateful for it all.

Namaste