We all have experienced a relationship where our needs were not being met by someone in our lives but instead of focusing on where are needs were being met, we attempt to force it from someone who will not or does not give it freely. This is the first mistake in relating

The first step to mastering relationships is to follow the path of least resistance, so instead of attempting to force what you need from people, relax take a deep breath and embark on a new journey:

1. Love yourself.  We hear this all the time however its key to even recognizing that you deserve to have your needs met as well. If you are not Loving self first, you will put the needs of others before you. You will sacrifice your desires for that of another. This is unfair to yourself. Open yourself to receiving Love first from yourself and this opens the doorway for others to come in and Love you exactly the way you deserve. Loving yourself is a continuous process, it does not cease once you enter into a relationship. It must forever and always be.
2. Decide what it is you want and desire from your partner. If you are unsure you will need time to self-reflect on what it is exactly you desire. Discovering your Love language can help. Everyone receives Love differently. Some best receive Love through encouraging words, others through physical touch. If you best receive Love through acts of service, do not expect your partner to also receive Love in this same manner. People are different and if you seek to grow together, you must be open to the needs of your partner. The both of you should consider taking the Love Language quiz together so that you both know how you both best receive Love and make sure you open yourselves to providing that for your partner.
3. Accept what your partner will and will not provide. For example, physical touch is most often a deal breaker in relationships because if your partner retracts intimacy the only way to truly be loved in this manner is to open yourself to receiving this from someone else. However if you both or one of you is monogamous, this may lead to a termination of your relationship. A couple would need to open themselves completely to survive a partner openly receiving intimacy from another. It will be difficult but your Love for each other can survive. If your partner is open to your desires, its time to let them know what you need.
4. Express to them how you feel about not having your needs met in the relationship. Do not be afraid to be vulnerable…it’s ok. If you feel tears, cry them. Let your loved one know how you feel about them and if they could help to meet your needs as well. Speak to your partner open and honestly about how you feel. No blame, no intimidation, no anger, no force…face to face is best but over the phone or Skype also works. Do not have this conversation via text. If they refuse to talk to you about your needs or honor them you then must make a decision. Stay in the relationship and become a martyr, transform and open your relationship or let it go in Love and Peace.
5. Remember, we were not born into this world to suffer. Suffering is a choice. Either you choose to be happy and content or you choose to be miserable and empty. The choice isn’t your partners, it’s yours, you do not need permission to be happy…just be.

Happy Travels

PS: Read my next blog post about my own personal journey learning this lesson.