Love’s Chronicles – Entry #96 – Forgiveness
I had lunch with a male friend this week and we talked for hours, almost 8 in fact. No, not me yapping about my life, but actually two people engaging in conversations in healing. I had given no person on this earth a complete account of my past relationships but I did with him…and he listened.
It seems like for the first time in my life, I felt I could talk to someone about my weaknesses and not be judged or ridiculed. With him I felt safe, I think he did as well and we let it all out. I opened to him, whispering such sacred truths I had never uttered to another soul. Everything I kept locked away because of ego, and embarrassment for be so naive, I shared with him. And as he listened and asked the tough questions, his final analysis was, “Sharron you have to stop attracting these men.” Now I knew this, heard it hundreds of times in face, but I guess when he…a man…said it to me, for some reason, it penetrated further than any self-help book or sister chat ever could. His words stuck with me, not penetrating but hovering over the surface of my subconscious. I held it there attempting to figure out what to do with this new found information. And finally it hit me, its not the men of my past that I need to forgive, it is only myself.
Its not about the men I attracted, they came to me because its what we always do, we attract who we need in our lives to heal. The more it hearts the deeper that person penetrates our soul. For me I needed them, I needed every single horrible experience to get to this very moment of forgiving myself for allowing myself to tell my subconscious that I wasn’t worthy of true love. And despite anything I may verbally tell myself to negate this, my actions prove to me that its true. In so many ways, I’ve always said
Love others unconditionally and do so unselfishly, that is your destiny.
It sounds so beautiful, doesn’t it? However, imagine doing that over a dozen times in your relationships, and constantly with your friends in family. Eventually you have created a person who will always put themselves last and because its not the way we are suppose to live, the lack of love builds up until there is an explosion or an implosion of resentment with ourselves and others. And honestly, its no ones fault, we are all here doing the best we can, while we can. There is no one to blame, not even self. Divinity speaks to us all the time, attempting to get us to release these mundane lessons of self-sacrifice, but rarely do we make time to hear.
Everyone deserves love, including self, and once we realize this and actually take the necessary steps to begin the healing process, we will always attract those that do not know how to love others, because they never learned to love themselves. So now, Im on an entirely new mission. No longer swearing off men, however I am taking a break from close intimate relationships now and putting myself through Love camp. There is no grade, there is no pass or fail, there is only a mission, be my own best friend and embrace love completely within myself. I deserve love and to be loved in the way that I need and that should never be negotiable.
Leave A Comment