It’s time for me to make a change within myself and I know it will come to pass. In my life time I have given the men in my life so much physically, spiritually, monetarily, emotionally, mentally, etc and I can not honestly recall a time where any of them have been there for me when I needed them. I mean shelling out thousands of dollars, hours of time and still no reciprocity. I even had one whom I had given so much tell me he couldn’t see me because the Alabama football game was on, leaving me to drive an hour back to which I came to go back so hurt I couldn’t even see straight.
All of this is a reflection, in order for me to reflect such behaviors I would have to expect to be treated like crap based on the past or not give a damn about myself or be taught that another’s pain or worth is greater than my own. And no one knows consciously that this is what they are thinking but that invisible beacon gets sent out and any man who will treat you like shit is going to flock to it like a moth to a flame. It is truly rare indeed to meet someone who seeks to heal when these unconscious beacons are being sent out.
Now I finally get it, I am no longer going to accept crap any more when I know the man I deserve to have in my life is as pure as a god. So I’m preparing myself to erase all the subconscious beacons and call forth that part of myself that can still be if I only erase the remnants of my past.
I am so ready to meet her, that part of myself, and I am more than elated to know that I will finally attract a man that fits the true, unscorned me and not the person I let this world mold.
I will take within me all the lessons and continue my journey only looking forward. I forgive myself for not allowing myself to be loved as I deserved, I didn’t know how, now I do.