I remember I always use to talk about that scary love. That love that make you want to do right because you actually don’t want to jeopardize losing the person you’re in love with. Well, I’m scared.

I’m afraid to talk about him publicly because I’ve been here before and I just don’t want to be wrong again…but I feel in my soul he’s the one. But didn’t I think that about the others? hmmmmm no I didn’t I was highly infatuated with them but even with One-Time I didn’t even want to read him the “you’re the one” poem.

I’m afraid of ever breaking his heart. But this makes me more mindful of what I say to him. I know he’d never intentionally hurt me so I better make sure I never hurt him.

I’m actually scared to have sex with him because it’s the final fig leaf. Its the last thing that separates us. What if he doesn’t enjoy sex with me? What if he’s not sexually attracted to me? And also for the first time I’m scared to be naked in front of him because I know he’s going to be checking me out. He’s going to want to explore me and I’m afraid if I’m insecure he’s going to just be turned off.

So I’m up now freaking out so much that I can hardly sleep.

I love you dearly :-) and BTW Happy Birthday!

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