There is so much to tell. For starters, I’m finally in our new home. Closing was very stressful but its all over now. Before I had a dream the house was haunted and now Moor and I both hear voices. Its very creepy. Moor says its native land so he’s not surprised. Our closing date was 4/6/06 and the same day I hear one of my friends, Sherica died from complications due to sickle cell. She will be missed Da Clique for life Sherica.

Lois left for SM-2 on 4/10 and I’m going to miss her because I and The Lost Bestie have nothing in common. We’re two different personalities and they clash. I think the girl can get crazy.

My brother was arrested after a drug raid of a crack house. I know he’s hurting but he doesn’t listen to anyone. I just can’t accept the fact that he is on crack. He’s my baby brother and I love him dearly. I think he is feeling that the world is against him. I want to try and talk to him but he keeps blowing me off.

Now to Moor and then to me. He has a little gal pal at work named Maria and he says they take rides together during lunch to smoke week and they talk all the time. He took at least one walk with her and recently mentioned that he wanted to start working out. Hopefully I’m jumping to conclusions but I will continue to keep my eyes and ears open.

Now to me…this is it. I am tired of being fat and unappealing. If I don’t lose this weight I won’t be able to have kids and my health will be at risk. This will not happen on my shift. Whatever emotions that keep me eating need to be buried because I just don’t have the time to figure out what’s wrong with me. Well…I know whats wrong but I just don’t know how to fix it. Well…I know what I should do to fix it but I don’t know why or how to even start. I’m ready to have babies and I’m tired of this shell now. I appreciate it and wouldn’t change a thing but its getting tired now. I would probably be pregnant w/ 3 kids living in a trailer park if it wasn’t for my weight. I’m thankful, everything happens for a reason. So I give myself about 1 year to lose all the weight since I do lose weight fairly quickly. Then I can start having babies and be physically confident. I accept the fact that I don’t have a big butt but I can still look good. I applied for a card at Newport News. Hopefully I can get it because I love their clothes.

Problem

1. Need attention from Moor
2. Eating when bored
3. Isolation
4. Dressing boyish
5. Blaming people who hurt me in my life for my problems
6. Relying on Moor for my happiness and love

Solution

1. Start going out and hanging out with friends
2. Find something fun to do
3. OK every now and then its not healthy
4. Don’t do it
5. Get over it and move the fuck on
6. None can love me better than me