Tiya’s Entry – Day #28 – Dearest Ay
Imagine you’re in a relationship with someone you care about deeply and one day you’re sitting down having a conversation and you ask your beloved a question. Instead of answering, they commence to get up and walk out the door without a word. Your partner returns the next morning only to say, “Oh babe I had something to do, I was busy.” Now imagine they do this a couple more times…what would you think? How would you feel?
This is the equivalent of being in a long distance relationship and having a conversation via text and your partner not having the courtesy to reply and say “BRB” or “I’ll talk to you later.” before they leave. Well Ay this is how I had been feeling with you, and then you stopped answering my calls, not including me in your decision making and instead of run behind you and probe and ask why or try to change who you are, I simply decided to let my feelings about it go. I’m not here to try and change you.
Long distance relationships, when the couple is serious about growing together, require attention and care and I felt that slowly you were more engrossed in your own life and was too busy to even say, “Baby I can’t talk now.” I’m not trying to hurt you but if I keep waiting around and wondering and start questioning you about things, eventually you would resent me so I think this time to ourselves is smart. It allows you to live your life freely. Ay, Id be ok if you said “I’ll be out of town for a week, without a phone, I’ll talk to you then.” But leaving for a week and then returning to say “I was out of town for a week, without a phone.” is a big difference right?
With others, I don’t care about text etiquette because I’m not in a relationship with these people and they aren’t a priority to me, but having someone you’re in love with constantly turn their back on you just isn’t a fun feeling. One day last week I had decided I was going to do the same thing you were doing to you, but is that mature? And the minute I decided that was childish, I decided to try again. So I opened myself back up, the next day…we were talking and I didn’t hear from you from 10 P to 12 P the next day. That’s when I decided I had to stop trying so hard and let you live your life undisturbed.
And on top of that you made promises that you didn’t make good on, so I thought it was something financial but then when I told you about the couples dinner with my friend you said, and I quote, “The issue isn’t money, I make money everyday, the issue is finding the time.” And I thought to myself, wow, you couldn’t find the time to come see me until next year? It just left me feeling like anything but a priority in your life.
So here we are. I still care about you, I miss you and I miss how things were in the beginning but life happens and this is all I know how to do to keep myself from really breaking my own heart. I said good morning to you today and I haven’t gotten a response, I’m use to this now, but still I decided to write you this letter to explain the “why”.
I can only hope you understand. Love you,
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